Here's a list of things you can say during dinner on the one night a month you cook dinner that will help make you a jerk, and some ways that you can give it that extra flair that make you a full-on jerkwad:
Original Jerk: "Wow, this turned out great!"
Jerkwad Bonus: Never having ever said it about any one else's dinner.
Double-Jerkwad Bonus: The above plus it not being very good at all.
Original Jerk: "Hey, did the dog poop yet today?"
Jerkwad Bonus: It's the first thing you say when someone is sitting down.
Double-Jerkwad Bonus: ... to your dinner of Egg Fu Yung. I'll have the tossed salad next time.
Original Jerk: "I'll let you clean up."
Jerkwad Bonus: You've never once cleaned up.
Double-Jerkwad Bonus: Say it while making a big deal about how tired cooking made you.
I'm reminded of the seminal work in scholarship on the Wad population, from the academic journal The Onion: Gaywads, Dorkwads Sign Historic Wad Accord:
...pan-wad unity is considered unlikely in the near future. Numerous wad factions, including the dickwad, dipwad, jerkwad and fuckwad groups, refused to participate in the wad accord.