Fear will keep the local systems in line

We have three greyhounds, and, to be honest, they're fairly well-behaved most of the time. But they bark and whine and growl just like any other dog. What I need is a way to train them not to do those things. I was thinking perhaps a dog whistle, something to blow when they do whatever behavior I want them to stop, and is just irritating enough to keep them from doing whatever. I was also recommended "Bark-Free" from the reputable SkyMall catalog.

Fortunately my procrastination paid off. This month's photo in the Celebrating Greyhounds 2009 wall calendar has got me covered.

They haven't barked all month.

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Eldritch: Frankly, I'm terrified. But not of that picture. Now, don't get me wrong, I am deeply unnerved, unsettled to my very core by that image. I may never bark again.

But what really terrifies me, what chills be to the very core of my being, is the existence of a Celebrating Greyhounds 2009 Wall Calendar.

Pseudonym: It's part of the Celebrating Greyhounds subscription, which includes 4 issues a year on premium glossy paper and moving stories like this:

"She huddled alone in a borrowed tent. Tears, mingled with soot, streamed down her face. The smoke-filled air burned her eyes and lungs. She had just watched her home completely burn; yet she was thankful because she shaved her 15 cherished Greyhounds"

They all died, but thankfully they were clean-cut when it happened.


Eldritch: They all died, but thankfully they were clean-cut when it happened.

Bravo, sir. Bravo.